Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
