I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
