I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
