My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I am available for nakedness
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
