Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
