I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
