His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
