I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
