I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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