Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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