I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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