he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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