so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
