i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
