Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
