This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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