Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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