You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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