I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
