Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
