There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
