Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
