she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
