I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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