At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
