maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
