It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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