youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
