I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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