toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
