I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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