yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
