wat bout pragnant strippers??
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
