so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
