So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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