Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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