Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
