i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
