I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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