and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
