I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
