just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
