The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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