so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
