Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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