im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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