all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Less talking, more tequila
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
