The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
