She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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