If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
